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עמוד:33
wrapped up in myself that I couldn't see what was really going on . I was just too busy to realize that I had gotten a little lost . My best friend started to distance herself from me . 1 don ' t think she liked what I was becoming . But I didn't see that then ; 1 just felt her lose faith in me . It hurt so much , and I didn ' t understand . To keep from dealing with it I threw myself even further into my new life . It wasn ' t long before I made a few mistakes , some worse than others , and the "in" crowd got a peek at the real me . Or at least someone other than who they thought I was , and they were disappointed . That's when it got ugly . These so-called friends ( no pun intended ) turned fast . In a melodrama of gossip and rumors , I was banished . I had been part of this "in" crowd until they found out I really wasn ' t cool enough to be there . The time had come to step back and take a look around . This was one of the hardest times in my life . I felt alone and was very disappointed in myself . My first step was to go back to my old best friend . I tried so hard to show her that I was sorry for messing up , that I still loved her and missed her incredibly ... that 1 needed her . In return , I received blank stares and emotionless responses . So I tried harder . Still , barely a trace of that sisterhood she once shared with me . It took me a long time to realize that I had lost her , that she had changed too . And our best-friendship was gone . i At school . 1 found myself wandering around at nutrition * and lunch , no longer floating from group to group being the social butterfly . It was then , when I thought I had nowhere else to go , that I rediscovered the "kindergarten group . " This group had a base of five or six of us who had actually gone to kindergarten together , along with a few additions welcomed in throughout elementary school . We had all grown up in the same community , shared the same schools , classes , birthday parties , and all the ups and downs of our pre-pubescent lives . The group was even bigger now . They had all made new friends , but instead of choosing one over the other , as I had done , they simply included them . At my lowest , I had gone so far as to not invite them to my bat mitzvah . I can still hear my mom asking , "What about Susie and Greg and the rest of the 'kindergarten group' ? " as she shook her head at my invite list . "Mom , I don't hang out with them anymore , " I'd said . "They don't even know my new friends ... besides , if I invite one , I have to invite them all . " I received invitations to every one of their birthday parties and bar or bat mitzvahs that year . > ?' I tried to inconspicuously make my way back into this circle of friends , not expecting it to be easy . I assumed I was going to get what I deserved , which was for them to be cold and exclude me as I had done to them . I had to take that chance . 14 I was completely caught off guard by how little effort was needed to feel welcomed again . There was absolutely no resentment , only comfort and an What do you suppose offended the narrator ' s * friend ? What " rule" of friendship did the narrator "break" ? * narrator — the person who tells the story . * nutrition — mid-morning break when a healthy snack is usually eaten .
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